Bad Cosplay

This one's a bit off the norm for this blog. But it's my blog. I do what I want.

Tell 'em, bitch.

As I've mentioned previously, I'm not an actor. I do act (on occasion) for fun, but primarily I'm a costumer/cosplayer when it comes to the "dress up and pretend to be somebody else" thing. That's how I got started in ASSIST ME!, which was my first "real" experience acting. And even that started as just a fun way to help a couple friends make a YouTube video. I didn't think of it as a job.

Somebody once asked me the question "What do you think about bad cosplayers?" followed up by another person asking "Yeah, can we talk about how people shouldn't cosplay--" that's all I remember. I stopped listening. Because, Jesus Christ, you guys. Jesus.

Jesus.

And I've seen that mentality come up a lot. I'm not gonna get all White Knighty and defend cosplayers individually or anything. Truthfully, I value free-speech as much as anybody. And if you gotta exercise it by knocking the hobbies of others, well that's sad for you, but damn it, people died face down in the mud so that you could say whatever the hell you want.

That's assuming you live in a free country. If you don't, fucking move to one. Jesus.

Anyway, the real problem I have with this is that aside from people just knocking the quality of somebody's cosplay, countless people come to this conclusion that cosplay is some kind of privilege. Like if you're not doing it to their standards, you have no right to be doing it. And that's fucking asinine.

That's like if I walked into a pool-hall, saw a guy step up to make a break and have him do a sub-par job, and then I decided he had no business playing the game in the first place (the bastard.) Cosplay is a hobby. People do it for fun. They don't do it to please anybody else (well, some might I guess, but generally speaking here.) There are great cosplays, there are $2-and-this-paper-bag-I-found cosplays, and there are all manner of things in between. And they're all equally qualified to exist if for no other reason than that they're enabling a fan to show that they're a fan.

I'll admit there were times when I was younger I'd see a bad cosplay and think "dude, what were you thinking? That character tucks his shirt in, dumbass" But a quick self-check would remind me that they have every right to be wearing the costume, they're just showin' the love, they probably don't care as much about the accuracy and today I'm a better person for realizing that my standards don't - and shouldn't need to - apply to them.

I don't consider myself to be a bad or good cosplayer. I feel someplace in the middle. I'm just a dude making costumes that I love to show my fandom because it's fun. I believe some of my attempts have been better than others, sure, but if you came up to me and said "Hey, your costume doesn't look accurate enough. You shouldn't wear that." you'd have a hilarious trip down an upwards-moving escalator shortly following that.

Me in my old Jack Sparrow costume.

People can cosplay whatever they want (assuming of course they're not in actual violation of decency laws or bronies [just kidding, bronies - but seriously, what the shit?]). You don't have to be fit enough, tall enough, the right age, the right ethnicity, have the right eye color, or even be the right gender to show your fandom.

Now there are some insanely good cosplays out there. Some people go so far as to follow strict diet and workout routines to fit their character - and I'm not knocking that. That level of devotion to anything - even a hobby - is an admirable quality. And if the final result is the cosplay looks like it was ripped from the screen of some anime/video game or the pages from some comic, I will be impressed. I'll think it's awesome. Hordes of people will think it's awesome, because it is.

But cosplay didn't start that way. Cosplay started with hardcore fans with slapped-together costumes making their outfit on a budget, getting together and taking pictures because they love their fandom and wanted to have a great time with like-minded fans. It wasn't model-fit folk with their hair and makeup done perfectly and their outfits professionally tailored. The quality of cosplay in general grew over time as the hobby expanded, and more and more people with trade skills got in on it and spread that knowledge to their fellow cosplayers.

Cosplay wouldn't even be the thing it is now if it weren't for the hardcore fans that started it all. So every time you find yourself ogling Jessica Nigiri or Liz Katz or for those that like the guys, InkyLinks, Jack Conways, etc... All of which are (probably - I don't know 'em all) hardcore fans all the same - remember that you owe that ogling moment to the pioneers of the hobby, who looked a lot more like this:

"You're welcome, you hopped up little shits."

So don't be that dick that mouths off about whether someone should or should not cosplay. I mean, go ahead, I guess. It's a free country. But look at it from somebody elses perspective. If at the end of the day you feel that somebody shouldn't take part in a hobby they love because they don't do it well enough to fit your standards, then you might want to reevaluate yourself.

What's Next?

As far as I'm aware, my part in developing the ASSIST ME! verse is over. I'm sure even once the season wraps Max still intends to use characters like Doom and Ammy in future random videos, as he has since the dawn of ASSIST ME! but the availability of the larger part of the cast and crew means large undertakings are harder and harder these days. Whether there will be similar videos for some other series in the future, I can't say. Because I don't know. Plans for Injustice ASSIST ME! never took off, the same for Street Fighter X Tekken, and so on. Killer Instinct seems like it will give Max some passion-fueled content, but I doubt something as ambitious in scope or as structured as UMvC3 ASSIST ME! will come of it.

But really, that's just my outlook. I can't speak for Max or really anybody else on that. If I'm asked to work on something with them in the future, chances are I will do it if I have the time, but I doubt I'll get as involved with anything else as I did with ASSIST ME! As much as I loved working on the series, it was one of those things that sucked up a lot of time and energy, and at times was too frustrating to do just for the fun of it.

I did toy around for a small time with suggesting we continue the story of ASSIST ME! strictly in sitcom format (10 minute webisodes or so) and even took a lot of my unused content for season 3 and turned it into a total of 10 scripts. The interesting thing about season 3 was that getting people together and filming it wasn't the hard part. Sure, some parts were harder than others, but mostly the season was fully filmed in a total of 7 or 8 combined days, with the exception being the finale. The thing that delayed the season was the video-game stuff, which is actually a huge undertaking for one guy to do with the quality Max does it. (Aside from capturing gameplay, Max must first learn the character, practice the moves well enough so that he can perform combos during capturing, write and record all of the tutorial dialog, apply effects like input icons, edit all that shit together, etc. An honest-to-God production would have like six guys doing different parts of what Max does all by himself.) My idea was that if we did a sitcom it would be easier just based on the fact that no gameplay footage would be needed.

Would people watch it? I don't know. But as time has gone on I've found myself less interested in the ASSIST ME! verse and more interested in doing other fan projects that I've always wanted to do. Here's a rundown of some of the fan projects that I'm writing (whether or not they'll ever be produced, I have no idea.) Unless otherwise noted, these are my own ideas for fan projects.

• The Legend of Zelda: Knights of Hyrule - a gritty look into the "Fallen Hero" timeline of the LoZ series. This story (planned to be a feature length script) sees Princess Zelda and her last standing Sheikah guardians seeking the disbanded Knights of Hyrule after fifteen years under Ganondorf's rule (8 years after the Hero of Time falls in battle.)
• Project: Batman - An alternate take on the Batman universe in which a young and overwhelmed Bruce Wayne funds and organizes "Project: Batman", a small team of specialists trained to battle crime in Gotham City. A feature length script, concept by Matt Simmons.
• Gotham City - A more traditional take on the Batman universe, in web-series format.
• Phobos - A feature length script set in the DOOM 3 universe, in which a group of Marines and scientists stationed on the Mars moon Phobos encounter an ancient and powerful demon.
• Merc Work - An action/comedy web-series starring Deadpool, Taskmaster and Crossbones.
• Biohazard - A web-series based on the Resident Evil universe, broken into four "chapters", each with dozens of episodes. Part 1 is "Umbrella Rising", part 2 is "S.T.A.R.S.", part 3 is "Raccoon City" and part 4 is "Ashes".
• MvC - The continuation of the ASSIST ME! universe, starring all the characters you'd expect and more. No video game footage, just dramedy.

I have other, original, projects in mind too. And more ideas will come. I would love it if I could find the time to write and produce all of these things, but the truth is I probably won't. Many of these will just remain nice ideas.

Season 3 - Part 2

I talked in my last few posts about the episodes/sub-plots dropped from season 3. There are some things I can't fully reveal, because they are still part of the plot of the season 3 we're actually releasing, but to wrap things up on this topic I'm going to gather (to the best of my recollection) the general plot outline of season 3 before it was trimmed.

I don't have any comprehensive notes on this, so it's based on my memory and what little remains in the few scripts I still have intact.

Kidnapping the Supervillains

This particular plot point was one that was meant to make the universe feel bigger. After the events of season 2, I figured our villain would kick his plans into overdrive. Originally he was trying to take out our heroes before executing his master plan, but when Taskmaster and the other badguys he hired failed to do that directly, he decided to use his powers of influence to get some help.

As I mentioned before, there was one version of the story where SHIELD agents began collecting superhumans. There was another version where mercenaries working under Taskmaster (who was in turn working under the CIA) were doing it. There was yet a third (I think I planned it, but never wrote it) where the BSAA handled all this. In all versions, the outcome was basically the same.

The reasoning behind this was simple. By the time the finale came around, I wanted our heroes to have their backs to the wall. They'd have a few allies to call on, but the world at large was being affected by this villain, and they didn't have a lot of hope left. It would all lead to a large-scale showdown where Max, Doom, Wesker, Strider, C Viper, X-23, Chris, and Jill (and perhaps a few cannon fodder BSAA agents) moved against the villain, Taskmaster, Deadpool, and his group of SHIELD agents/mercenaries. There were some variants where X-23 was brainwashed by the villain to work for him, and our guys had to try to save her.

Again, sometimes I'm a little too ambitious.

How This Affected the World At Large

I have in my notes how this affected the rest of the MvC universe. This is stuff that may have been mentioned in news broadcasts watched by Max, or something along those lines. It wasn't meant to be seen directly in the show, just hinted at. And really, it was more detail than was needed. As a writer I thought "okay, if this big bad supervillain is making moves to dominate the planet, why aren't any of the heroes of the universe except for our motley group of idiots trying to stop him?" The answer to that question was the above. Our villain manipulated enough of the world to cause havoc for the superhuman community so that he could execute his master plan without interference from, say, the Avengers, the X-Men, etc.

So I have these notes about what the rest of the universe is doing while our season unfolds.

• Magneto's Brotherhood of Mutants strongly opposes the superhuman collection act (because of course they do), which causes trouble with the X-Men who are attempting to find a peaceful resolution with humans. The X-Men is also weakened because some of them have split off to find Phoenix, Wolverine, and their other lost or kidnapped members. Not only that, but Sentinels are deployed to hunt for mutants, so basically the entire mutant community is way occupied with their own problems.
• The BSAA, SHIELD and basically all Government organizations are essentially working for the villain without knowing it, doing the legwork of collecting all superhumans. C Viper works with them as a double agent, secretly helping the allies she has in the superhuman community, and ultimately fighting on their side.
• The Avengers split up due to internal disagreements on the act (a nod to the Civil War storyline).
• Taskmaster, Deadpool and perhaps other mercenary type characters willingly work for the villain, so they're (at least temporarily) immune to any trouble from the superhuman collection act. Nathan Spencer is recruited to enforce superhuman collection.

Sub-Plot: Doom Loses His Power

I discussed this some in previous posts. There were two versions of this sub-plot. In one version, the main villain made himself known at the beginning of the season and sapped Doom's powers away. In another, he remotely manipulates Doom's powers, causing them to go haywire. Doom eventually has his powers restored/fixed by the end of the season. Throughout the season, this would humble his character somewhat because he wouldn't be able to do whatever he wants with the snap of his fingers. This sub-plot was entirely scratched from the season with no trace of it left in the episodes you will actually see.

Sub-Plot: Doom and X-23

Doom and X-23 would begin a relationship when Wesker sets them up on a date. X-23 was portrayed as pretty shallow, either taking up the offer for money, or information about Logan. Exactly when and how Wesker set them up changed with each version of the season plot, but ultimately the result was the same. Doom wins her over for real when she realizes he's rich and powerful, and not just all talk. So... slightly less shallow, I guess? X-23 will still appear in season 3, and it's clear Doom still has a thing for her, but otherwise this sub-plot is completely scratched from the season.

Sub-Plot: X-23's Personal Mission

In any version of the season plot where Wolverine was kidnapped, X-23 would be using information from Wesker to track him down and rescue him. We would have seen a lot more of X-23 as an independent heroine in this arc, since Wesker wasn't interested in actually helping her on any missions. Of course, this plot is entirely gone.

Sub-Plot: Wesker's Redemption

In all versions of the plot, Wesker is on a redemption quest. What really changed was the scope of it, and whether or not he maintained his superpowers throughout. In some versions, Wesker lost his powers when Doom did. In others, he didn't. While this was a major setback for Doom, who had come to rely on his powers for most of his life, for Wesker it wasn't. Wesker was a badass martial artist spy/special forces operative before he was a superhuman, so he still had something to fall back on. However, due to his regrets about his past, in some versions he would actively seek out and destroy B.O.W. trades. This sub-plot is still part of his character in the final season, but you don't see him doing a bunch of missions now. If you watch the season trailer, you can probably see hints of his regret on his face whenever he's seen with C Viper (it should all make sense come episode 3, I promise.) The only reason Wesker's character arc remained at least somewhat was because Max told me to keep that in. I wanted to keep as much character development as possible for all the characters, but Max's reasoning was "Season 1 is about Max, Season 2 is about Doom, Season 3 should be about Wesker." So that's sort of how it worked out.

Sub-Plot: Wesker and C Viper

Without making a romance out of the two characters (we already had Doom and X-23 and this isn't a fucking romcom), I wanted C Viper to be the character that grounds Wesker and helps bring him to the light side. This was of course another part of the above sub-plot, but it merits its own entry. To an extent, elements of it are still in the season, but now C Viper's appearance is relegated simply to one episode. With the removal of the superhuman collection act angle, her role (which relied heavily on that) was basically cut out. In the original finale, while some of the heroes fought Taskmaster and some goons (which you'll read more about a few entries below), Deadpool and other goons went to C Viper's house. They had realized she was a double agent, and sent Deadpool and the mercs to kidnap her daughter as collateral.

This was a great bit, because I wanted her daughter depicted as a child (as she is in Street Fighter's animated film) but SF4 takes place awhile ago. Technically by now Wesker and Doom would also be very old men though (Wesker's 38 in Resident Evil 1, so... hmm). Deadpool acknowledged this entire thing about the ASSIST ME! verse while standing outside C-Viper's house.

Deadpool: "Wait, nobody said she was a kid! Who approved this? This doesn't even make sense! Didn't Street Fighter 4 take place in like 1995?"

Mercenary: "I think so..."

Deadpool: "Then C Viper's daughter should be like... thirty... This timeline's all fucked up."

Anyway, Wesker breaks off from the main group to go save Maya's daughter (to whom he's like an uncle). He tears the badguys new assholes, saves the day and all. It was a sweet moment that showcased Wesker's full circle into being a good guy.

Nothing like that really happens now. He's still gonna show hints of redemption but it's angle more towards him looking out for Max and Doom.

Sub-Plot: Strider's Quest

Arguably my favorite sub-plot that I had to give up. And this is more because of Ben (who plays Strider) than it is about my love for Strider. Ben's an actual trained actor/singer, and he's incredibly talented. I feel he hasn't got to show it in the series yet because Strider is such a  mellow and dry character. I think Ben's voice work for Tasky was fucking fantastic. I wanted to expand on Strider to let Ben really show off his chops, and I thought I did a fairly good job of making Strider compelling with the short-film featuring his original mission (MvC2). Strider would have been heavily involved in that version of the season. The script where Wesker and X-23 take down the B.O.W. trade also had a version with Strider in it, but I can't find a copy.

Sub-Plot: People Be Dyin'

On that note, characters were going to die in this season. That's actually something I wanted to implement really badly, because we've always teased character deaths but they always seem temporary (in Deadpool and Wesker's cases, this sort of makes sense though.) In the original version of the finale, Strider would go toe-to-toe with Taskmaster in a swordfight. They'd be evenly matched, and then in the midst of this giant fight, Doom would take a bullet to the shoulder. In that brief second where Strider looks to his friend, Taskmaster headbutts him and impales him with his sword.

"Make yer dyin' wish, pretty boy."

Taskmaster drops Strider and then ducks out of the battle as a wounded Doom comes to Strider's side. Strider dies without any parting words, and Doom then goes fucking top-tier on the nameless henchmen, incinerating them with blasts of magic.

It was so dark. So sad. I loved it so much.

Taskmaster would get his comeuppance before the season was over though. once the good guys caught up to him, Doom would beat him within' an inch of his life. Taskmaster would promise Doom anything if he let him live.

"I want Strider back, you son of a bitch."

And then he'd kill Tasky. For good. Because I wanted Tasky to die a real death, not a human-blender explosion. (Although I gotta say, that bit at the end of season 2 was hype as shit.) Also, Princess Bride references are fantastic.

There were other deaths, but when we trimmed down the plot and all unnecessary characters it seemed like a waste. What's the point of killing a main character without first getting the audience to love them?

Homeboy knows what's up.

Sub-Plot: Max is Tired of All This Shit

Lastly, we have of course Max. As Max is the only real normal guy in this whole situation, we was going to spend most of this season getting more and more sick of Doom and Wesker's shit. His whole life has been turmoil ever since Doom showed up and started squatting the house in season 1. This whole angle I can't really take credit for because it was Andrew who suggested it.

I had an episode planned (either as a short film or something, it was never written) where Max would finally get a day to himself without any superpowered weirdo roommates to worry about. Ironically, he'd be faced with challenges where having Doom around would be really useful, so his day is still ruined.

Ultimately, this arc would begin with Max really tired of the guys, but by the end he kinda learns the value of his friends (quirky and meddling as they are) and has their back when it's time to face the badguys. There are still elements of this sub-plot in Max's character, much like there are of Wesker's redemption sub-plot, but not to the extent they were originally planned.

In Closing

That was a lengthy post, but I think that wraps up the things ahout season 3 that were cut out. I'll have more things tomorrow, but without spoiling the remainder of season 3 I can't disclose a whole lot more.

Lost Episode: Puppets

If you've been trying to piece together the old plot based on my last few entries, now's where you should give up. The season 3 plot was restructured several times (my next will cover all the different versions, and dropped sub-plots, without spoiling what remains of the current and final plot). Anyways, this is the last script that I have a full intact version of that not a single scene remains of in the season.

This one is called "Puppets", and it would have ignored the early-introduction of the villain (Doom would have not lost his powers, but Wesker would have one way or another.) Wesker would not have hired Strider or brought Nemesis in for training, so this version must be from one of the rewrites where those episodes were cut. Wolverine would have been captured by mercenaries (not SHIELD), and Deadpool and Taskmaster would not have been reintroduced. The Doom/X-23 date episode would have taken place, but I don't know what version (there were several). Lastly, C Viper would have been introduced before this episode, as an old frienemy of Wesker (this still happens in season 3, so I won't go into too many details, but she would have been working with the CIA to collect superhumans and trying to keep Wesker from getting himself in trouble.) Confusing, I know. Sorry about that.

This episode begins with Max and Doom on the couch playing UMvC3, and Doom spamming the foot dive for a victory. He tries to snap in a beer, and it takes him three tries to do it (his powers are dwindling in this version - because of the villain - but he doesn't know why). When he opens the beer, it explodes and makes a mess. Max tells him to go into the kitchen and get a normal beer, not another "crappy exploding gypsy beer". Just then, Wesker and X-23 appear from the garage, armed to the teeth, and leave.

Elsewhere, we see a B.O.W. trade going down between two groups in a warehouse. Some well-dressed thugs are selling a Licker to a street gang. The deal is interrupted by Wesker and X-23, who bust in and kill everybody. Wesker plants a bomb on the Licker (who's in a containment unit in stasis) and as they exit the whole place blows up.

Ain't no fucks given here.

Back at the garage bunker, X-23 asks Wesker if he really is trying to right his wrongs. She then remembers that Wesker had made a deal with her (in this version of the plot, Wesker had only got her to go on a date with Doom by promising he'd help her find Wolverine). Wesker gives her a thumb drive with some stolen data to help her track Wolverine down. She's not pleased, but Wesker figures they're even. She leaves, kinda pissed. Then, Wesker's computer chimes up "Perimeter breach, section three."

Across the street on a rooftop, a mercenary spies on Max and Doom through the window of the apartment. Wesker goes full Batman on the poor guy, roughs him up and pins him by the throat.

Wesker: "See anything you like? Who sent you?"

Mercenary: "If I tell you, do you promise not to kill me?"

Wesker: "No."

Taskmaster then steps out of the shadows (this would have been his reveal in this version), very much not-dead. Wesker knocks the merc out and faces Tasky. We cut away to see C Viper in a CIA control room, asking another agent where Taskmaster is. She then realizes he's out on an unauthorized assignment.

Back to Wesker and Taskmaster, we have a nice tense standoff:

Wesker: "I suppose I'm interrogating the wrong person then."

Taskmaster: "Yeah, how'd that go for you last time we met? What are you even doin', Wesker? Allyin' yourself with the losers, bustin' up bio-weapon trades, and for what? You on some kinda redemption quest? Think you can be a hero after everything you done? If you didn't have your head up yer ass, maybe we coulda used ya, y'know?"

Wesker: "You work against your own kind, Masters. When there are no more superhumans to collect, they'll turn on you as well."

Taskmaster: "Nah, you aint lookin' at the big picture. See, I work for a higher power. This is just the beginnin'. The balance of the world's changin' and you're completely oblivious to it."

I guess I was really into lengthy dialogue when writing this season.

Wesker: "Oblivious is a long word for a mercenary."

Taskmaster: "Funny. Tell ya what, I'll leave ya alive so you can keep crackin' jokes, as long as you quit gettin' between me and my target."

Wesker: "That's never going to happen."

Taskmaster: "I was hopin' you'd say that."

Taskmaster and Wesker stand off Old West style, each ready to draw a firearm. C Viper cuts in through Taskmaster's earpiece. She reminds Tasky he's not on assignment, and orders him to stand down. Taskmaster complains, but she doesn't give him any edge. Tasky is of course really working for our villain, but has to keep up appearances, so he complies. He picks up the unconscious merc and makes his exit. Wesker promises him the next time they meet will be the last, one way or the other. Once Tasky leaves, Wesker drops his facade and is visibly shaken. Even with his powers, Taskmaster bested him once before.

The episode ends with Wesker standing on the roof, watching Doom and Max laugh it up in the house, completely oblivious to the danger they were just in.

This is an episode I could have probably salvaged parts from, but it would have been rather difficult because of the locations needed. Plus, with Max wanting the sub-plots removed, there wouldn't have been much context for the whole standoff with the mercenaries, etc.

Next time, I'll talk about the changing plot line of season 3. I've also got notes about things cut out from RETRO ASSIST ME!, and some about the Injustice ASSIST ME! series that never happened, and if I can land a copy, a Street Fighter X Tekken script from Simmons that never saw the light of day. That's about it as far as my notes go, but I'm also thinking about providing some insight as to the characters I play. So we'll see.

Lost Episode: Nemesis Tutorial

So my posts seem to be running a little long, and there's been no real rhyme or reason to them. Just kind of a brief history of my work on ASSIST ME! I'm going to start keeping the blog a little more organized from now on. As I mentioned in my last post, another episode cut from the early draft of season 3 (that had actual work put into it) was the Nemesis tutorial.

I'm sure I did more than one draft of this, but I can only find one copy in my files. Fortunately, it follows the version of the story I last left you with (Doom and Wesker have lost their powers, the villain has made himself known and is now moving to conquer the world since our heroes have been defeated, etc.) Also, Strider has been officially hired by Wesker to beef up the team.

The Nemesis episode began with Max coming down to the garage (Wesker insists everyone call it "the bunker") to find Doom at the weapons table. He practices quick-drawing a German Mauser, which is his traditional sidearm from the comics. Why an all-powerful wizard and master of technology feels the need to use a dated German pistol as his sidearm is beyond me, but ya know. Comics are stupid. There's a bit of a throwback where Max questions his use of pistols (remember Doom once said "guns are for pussies") but without his powers, Doom doesn't really know how to fight.

Just then, the garage door opens. Enter Wesker and Strider, dressed in combat gear and spattered with blood. Behind them, in chains, is Nemesis.

Sup.

Max is, understandably, not for the idea of a seven foot abomination living with them, but Wesker insists that they need extra security on account of their recent nerfing. As Doom attempts to showoff his quickdraw, he accidentally discharges the gun, scaring Nemesis. Doom calls the quickdraw a "stupid cowboy technique" but Wesker tells him to keep practicing, as it might save his life one day. This is what you call foreshadowing, by the way. We then get this exchange, probably one of my favorite Strider moments.

Doom: "Yippie ki-yay. And Strider, since when do you work with Wesker?"

Strider: "He needed my assistance in obtaining the creature."
Wesker: "He's good backup. We call ourselves Team Teleport."
Doom: "That's gay."
Wesker and Strider: "You're gay!"

Max drives the conversation back to the elephant B.O.W. in the room. Wesker wants him to program Nemesis (through UMvC3, obviously) to work as their bodyguard. Max puts his foot down and tells Wesker to take it back. Wesker takes off his shades and:

Wesker: "Take it back? Take it back? What do you think this is, a joke? Some kind of gag? Like, 'oh haha, Wesker brought home a giant monster, classic Wesker!' No. No. The reality of this, Max, the reality of this: this creature set me back two hundred and seventy three million dollars. And the exchange was a sting. Strider and I had to fight off a task force of over 50 BSAA agents trained specifically to take me down. And you left no gas in the tank, so we had to wait in line and fill up in the middle of a massive firefight while transporting a multi-million dollar piece of bio-organic weaponry. And you want me to take it back? ...I have never felt so unappreciated. I’m hurt. Honest. There might be tears."

For your consideration.

Max submits, takes Nemesis by the chains and drags him up to the living room. Doom goes with. As Max sets an arcade stick on Nemesis' lap, the beast growls angrily at him. Doom swats him on the nose, and Nemesis recoils like a bad dog. And the tutorial begins.

When we come back to the scene, Nemesis is sniffing the arcade stick. An irritated Max slams it back down to his lap. Nemesis roars in frustration. Doom just goes "Dude, that thing is going to bite the shit out of you." They're interrupted when Ammy runs downstairs. Max tries to stop her, but she jumps into Nemesis' lap. He picks her up, lifts her to his mouth, and... starts cuddling her. Max is confused, but Doom realizes Nemesis is secretly a big softy. He scratches Nemesis behind the ear - or I guess, where his ear would be, if he had any - and Nemesis stamps his foot repeatedly. A happy Nemesis drools all over the dog. Disgusted, Max carries Ammy to the garage where Wesker and Strider are going over some mission documents.

Max charges the guys with cleaning up the dog since they brought Nemesis to the house, and heads back upstairs. We later see a scene where Wesker and Strider bathe Ammy in the bathtub, and get drunk off a bottle of whiskey. They get curious as to what's going on downstairs, and as they take a peek we're treated to yet another Disney parody, this time to Beauty and the Beast. Doom has nearly set up a dinner table for himself and Nemesis. Doom tries to teach Nemesis how to use the eating utensils. I'll just post the lyrics for you guys.

Doom

"They say you're mean;

And quite malign;

Some say you’re scary, Doom thinks that’s just your design;

A little love, that is your cure;

Doom wonders why nobody tried this way before."

Nemesis attempts to use the proper utensils and only knocks food over, making a mess. He starts to rage and pound the table, but Doom calms him with a reassuring pat on the shoulder. Max steps in.

Max

"Doom, he's a beast;

He's eight feel tall;

He’s gonna snap, I know it, then he’ll kill us all;

What is my life? Just one big chore;

(Max suddenly becomes distracted and walks off in thought.)

I wonder if Capcom will make a Marvel Four?"

Doom

"Though his look is alarming;

And he’s chased us since Resident Evil 3;

He may be no Prince Charming;

But there’s something in him that we simply didn’t see."

At this point, Wesker, Strider and X-23 (I inserted her for the lols, she's not dating Doom yet in this version of the plot) poke their heads in from upstairs.

Wesker

"Well look at that."

X-23

"It's quite a sight."

Strider

"What do you know?"

X-23

"Well what indeed?"

Wesker

"Well who’d have guessed Doom would correct him on his own?"

X-23

"There may be hope, just wait and see."

Wesker and Strider

"We’ll wait and see..."

Wesker, Strider and X-23

"A few days more;

There may be something there that wasn't there before."

At this point, Wesker and Strider look at X-23 in confusion and she gives them the biggest shit-eating grin Tess could muster. After the song, Doom tries to teach Nemesis how to bake cookies. As Nemesis stares blankly at the bowl of cookie dough, Doom says "We can make whatever shapes you want, like balloons, and horseshoes, and stars, and--" Nemesis roars "STAAAAARRRSSSS" and bashes the bowl of cookie dough. Doom tells Max to never say the "s-word". He then runs upstairs. Max sits back down with Nemesis to continue the tutorial.

Somehow I thought I could get away with two parody scenes in one episode, because the next scene is Wesker and Strider getting good and drunk while bathing Ammy and singing the drinking song from Shanghai Noon. Like, the whole song. I don't know what I was thinking. This probably isn't the final draft though. The best thing (IMO) out of this scene is that near the end, a drunk Wesker and Strider get all philosophical (it should be noted they're now sitting in the bathtub with Ammy - clothed though, don't make it weird):

Wesker: "I am so lost here, Hiryu. I don’t even know if I’m walking the right path anymore... I’m a terrible villain."

Strider: "No, you're a good villain!"

Wesker: "Please, I'm a screw up."

Strider: "No - I’m screw up. I can’t even get Legion to work properly, and I don’t even want to talk about

Ouroboros. You’re good, I’ve seen you! (Makes firing gestures with his fingers and "pow pow" noises).

Wesker: "The only thing I'm good at it being a deadbeat father."

Strider grins like an idiot behind his mask and puts a hand on Wesker's shoulder.

Strider: "It's true."

After the last tutorial sequence, Max gives Nemesis some basic commands (sit, stand, etc.) which he follows perfectly. Max announced that he's got Nemesis under control, just as Doom comes barging downstairs with a giant sci-fi gun. He (of course) ignores Max's protests, points his "Latverian-made cross-verse TV reatomizer" at the television and fires a blue beam of light into it. After a flash of energy, STARS Jill appears before them. She hugs Doom, celebrating her release.

Jill: "Victor, you finally got me out! (A beat as she clutches her neck.) Is that... my voice?"

Looking down, she sees her STARS uniform.

Jill: "This isn't right..."
Doom: "You look like Jill to me!"

Jill: "But I'm ten years younger than I was when you sent me in! (She grabs her butt.) My ass! My ass is gone!"

Doom: (Hefts his scifi gun.) "Doom would like to take this chance to admit he's not sure how this thing works."

Just then, Nemesis stands up behind Doom and Max, and notices Jill. Jill screams, runs for the door, and Nemesis clobbers the shit out of the guys to chase her. Max leaps onto his back to allow Jill a few seconds to escape. Wesker and Strider, now back in the garage, hear the commotion upstairs.

Strider: "Should we go up there?"
Wesker: "No, I'm sure it'll work itself out."

Roll credits over footage of Nemesis chasing Jill through LA.

This episode, I loved, even though it still needed some polishing. To my recollection, Max liked it but it was one we cut from season 3 ultimately because the Nemesis costume would have been too expensive to make look good. We did have an actor lined up, and he's 6'5" so in the costume he would have towered over even Max, but alas - no dice.

Overall it didn't push the plot forward very much. It did help to establish that Wesker was turning his view of the world around, and regretting his villainous past, and that the goodguys were at least taking some action to get back at the badguys. After the serious ending of the Wolverine episode and the Strider episode, I felt we needed some raw comedy though, and that's what I aimed for with this script.

There's one more short film that was entirely cut from the season, which I'll cover in my next update. As I mentioned before, there were originally three short films. The first was an episode about Wesker's nightmare, and his reactions to it. Ultimately that got cut and pasted into the Wolverine script, and eventually the concept of his nightmare was re-written and worked into the short Shadows of the Past, which you'll actually see in season 3, after the Morrigan episode. The second was the Strider episode, detailed in my last post. The third was to take place after X-23 had joined the lineup (the whole bit where she goes on a date with Doom was still part of the story, it just got shuffled around a bit when we planned out season 3.)

So next time, I'll talk about that short film. See you soon!

Season 3 - Part 1

The first version of Season 3 as I recall was extremely long. As I mentioned in my last post, I wanted to use short films to bulk out the plot without flooding gameplay-loving viewers. So I had planned something like 4 tutorials and 3 short films.

It should also be noted that we changed the context for the finale fight on several occasions. At one time, it was to be a one-on-one fight between one of our heroes and the villain. Then it changed to be this gigantic showdown where our villain and his lackeys (Deadpool, Taskmaster and brainwashed X-23 and Phoenix) were battling all three of our main heroes, plus Strider, Chris, Jill, and several BSAA agents.

The structure of the season had to be adjusted as we zeroed in on what we wanted to the finale to be. Remember we had already planned the just of the ending for season 2, now we needed to rethink it to work over the arc of one more season.

I really wanted to build on the main characters in the third season. Andrew suggested that to make Max more interesting as a character, we show that he's growing tired of all these superhumans living in his house, getting him intro trouble. So he's getting kind of cynical, and short tempered. Wesker had this whole subplot where he began to feel guilty about his criminal past, and he starts taking measures to right his wrongs. Doom would lose his powers at the beginning of the season and have to cope with life as a normal man.

On top of all that, I wanted our villain to be making his final attack, and that took form in the Superhuman Collection Act (similar to the lead-up to Marvel's Civil War). Our villain used his powers of manipulation to influence the world leaders into fearing superhumans. Rather than make them register, anybody deemed a supervillain was to be captured by SHIELD and imprisoned. Taskmaster and Deadpool (thanks to the machinations of our villain) were contracted to work with SHIELD instead of being targeted by them. Obviously this bodes poorly for Wesker and Doom.

The only script that survived this version of season 3 is Wolverine, which was (in this version) episode 1. It began with Wesker having a dream (a throwback to the Deadpool episode, which began with Doom's dream sequence). Wesker's dream shows him what his life could have been like if he'd pursued an honest career as a biology professor instead of becoming the badguy he is. He's depicted with a wife and a young daughter, and all is very happy and well. Suddenly, Wesker's wife refers to him as a killer (very out of nowhere in this super happy, relaxed scene) and then she says "Your work destroyed thousands of families. What makes you think you deserve one?" She then zombifies immediately in front of his eyes and lunges at him and he snaps awake, and we hear this echoing laugh from our villain.

This abnormally dark intro was kind of setting the tone for season 3. It was going to be a darker story. It still is, in a way. I never wanted to do away with the humor in ASSIST ME!, but I wanted the plot (for those that followed it) to hit hard.

That morning, Doom realizes that they're out of yogurt and badgers Max to go buy some. Max is clearly irritated and tells Doom to go get it himself. Wesker, disturbed by his dream, comes downstairs and leaves. Shortly later, Wolverine shows up looking for Phoenix. This bit more or less survived through to season 3, so I won't reveal much dialog or anything.

During the tutorials, we'd see bits and pieces of Wesker out on the town. He does some people watching at a park, deep in thought about his past. On his way home that night he stops a mugging, and is about to kill the assailant when he realizes the guy is a just a bi-product of people like him (that is to say, rich evil assholes).

Back at the house, the guys get attacked by SHIELD agents who don't see Doom because he's buried himself in the fridge looking for beer. They drug Wolverine with carbonadium (one of his weaknesses) and take him into custody. They leave Max alone. Wesker comes up after the agents have left, and ignores Doom and Max as they try to get him up to speed. When he goes upstairs:

Max: "What's with him? These guys with guns break into our home and he doesn't even care?"
Doom: "Oh my God, Max!"
Max: "What? What is it?"
Doom: "We really need to get that yogurt."

And credits. This script would have setup the guys investigating Wolverine's kidnapping. They would have discovered the Superhuman Collection Act by SHIELD, and Doom's powers would mysteriously vanish over the next episode (he struggled to pull a beer out of thin air in the Wolverine episode, and this was of course due to our villain). It also began a sub-plot where Wesker starts taking down black-market B.O.W. transactions by going straight up Punisher on the dealers.

Ultimately, the  idea with all the SHIELD agents was deemed to be too many extras, too much money, etc. I dumbed down the outline to feature similar circumstances, and similar sub-plots for Wesker and Doom, and re-wrote Wolverine and then the second episode: Nemesis.

The Wolverine re-write started with a shorter version of Wesker's nightmare, but ultimately it was the same sequence.Wolverine shows up under similar circumstances. The big change was the ending. Rather than being attacked by SHIELD agents, Max, Doom and Wolverine take cover when a smoke bomb goes off in the living room. They run downstairs to the garage as Deadpool breaks into the living room. The garage (which serves as Wesker's pseudo bunker) is dark and has a few weapons about. Max goes for a gun and is intercepted by Taskmaster. (Keep in mind Taskmaster's intro in his episode was shot at Max's new place, so we're going with the implication that not only did Max, Doom and Wesker steal Taskmaster's van - they also took over his safehouse and made it their new home. This plot point is still canon but never acknowledged in the series.)

Deadpool and Taskmaster whip Doom and Max to the floor with ease. Wolverine stands guard as Taskmaster taunts the guys - and then our main villain steps downstairs making his big debut (that's right - in this version of the season, you'd know who the mystery badguy of season 2 was right from the start!) Doom realizes that this villain is the one who haunted his dreams, and Wolverine correctly assumes that he has something to do with Jean's disappearance. Wolverine rushes the villain and gets well and truly owned (!) without doing any damage. Doom tries to use Finger Lasers on the villain, who effortlessly redirects the energy back into Doom, flooring him.

Yeah. Our main villain is a bamf. Just sayin'.

Then, my favorite part happens. Doom springs up and says:

Doom: "Don’t worry, Max! Doom knows what to do! With a glass-cannon like this guy, you just gotta intimidate ’em with a little arcade-age smack talk! (He steps forward with a strut.) Who the fuck do you think you are? You in Doom’s house! You in Doom’s house, li’l boy! Doom’s seen Hsien-Ko’s harder than you, you abyss-tier, cotton-balled, dumb shit, funny lookin’ motherfucker! Don’t like it when Doom talks to
you like that? Fuck you go’n’ do, li’l boy? Fuck you go’n’ do?"

Doom's ghetto talk gets him punched out by the villain. As Taskmaster and Deadpool restrain Max, the villain then sucks away all of Doom's powers. Wesker finally shows up and attempts to save the day, but Deadpool leaps up behind him and shouts "Plot device!" and injects him with an anti-virus. So now Doom and Wesker are without superpowers. Our villain taunts Max with "Fear not. Your friends will live. And now, Max, you’ll finally have what you always wanted - a home without superhumans."

The badguys then disappear as a look of guilt crosses Max's face. For the first time in our series, the goodguys have been beaten.

I actually really liked this version of the season 3 first episode. it had a lot of humor in it (Wolverine is still my favorite episode of the season) and I thought the plot was strong enough to hook people for the season. That's kinda the issue I have with the Dante episode. I think it's fun, but there's no real hook. There's no real reason to stick around to see what happens next. I'm hoping that when the story picks up with episode 3 of season 3, the fans will be intent on seeing it through to the end, but I always thought it was important to hook them from the start.

The outline then called for a short film. It was called "Time Lost" and it was all about Strider Hiryu.

What a boss.

And this is where I got really into ASSIST ME! lore. I had this idea that the events of MvC2 had taken place in our universe long before the show started (explaining Doom's friendship with Strider). So there was this short film that began with Strider returning to his HQ right after the fight with Taskmaster. There, he meets Director Kuramoto, who chews him out for spending so much time helping his friends when he has his own missions to attend to. Strider stands up for himself, stating "My apologies, sir, but I do not see time spent protecting my friends as time wasted." and reminding Kuramoto that he's sacrificed a lot for the order. Kuramoto says that if he could send Strider home, he would.

We then flash forward to the future. 2050 to be exact. In Strider's quarters, Strider is with Lexia, his love interest, and he's about to go on a mission. She's trying to talk him out of it. He tells her that if all goes well, it will be as though he never left.

Flash back to the present. Strider is in the same room he was with Lexia. He starts to write a letter to her, telling her what year he's in, and just kind of talking about how insane his whole mission has been. He points out that if he can't find a way home, he'll be an old man when he meets Lexia. He winds up stopping short, overwhelmed.

Then we see the next scene in 2050. Lexia and a very old Kuramoto are seeing Strider off for his mission - with Ruby Heart.

Which should trigger ALL the nerdgasms, forever.

Ruby Heart uses a TIME GEM to transport herself and Strider to our time - obviously to fight Abyss. Lexia is sad when Strider leaves. Kuramoto reminds her that if Strider never returns, that was simply his destiny.

In the present, Kuramoto comes to Strider's quarters and shows him that Wesker has contracted with the Strider Order to employ Hiryu directly. Kuramoto says "Your friends have just found the way to my good side." Strider gears up, puts his unfinished letter to Lexia in his locker, and leaves. One final scene in 2050 shows Lexia going through the locker. She finds Strider's unfinished note, and begins to cry.

Because Strider would not be coming home.

Because Doom lost the Time Gem when he lost the Infinity Gauntlet.

So as you can see, the short-films would have had this (comparatively to the rest of the series) heavy story element to them.The next episode was the Nemesis tutorial, but this entry has got really long. So next time I'll talk about the Nemesis episode that was cut entirely from season 3, and the rest of the short films that were also cut.

The Episodes That Were Cut From Season 2

So I mentioned that I have some notes regarding season 3. As I mentioned in my post about season 2, the third season was born out the the last few episodes that would have been in season 2, that were cut out due to the one-two punch of Retro ASSIST ME! and Max having to move right as we were filming Taskmaster.

To sum it up without spoiling any of the yet-to-be-revealed plot, there were three episodes meant to take place after Taskmaster. I wrote two before, that was an error. I had forgotten that one of the episodes was a rehash tutorial of Wesker. It would basically be a changelog for the character between MvC3 and UMvC3, and I think it would have been only one part instead of two.

I have in my records both a 1st draft and a 4th draft for Wesker. Drafts 2 and 3 were probably minimal changes, which is why I don't have copies anymore. The first draft of Wesker starts with Max coming downstairs in the morning and chatting with Wesker, who's moved back in after the events of Taskmaster. Wesker reveals he's still on his Progenitor samples (recall he declared in the Nemesis episode that he had kicked that habit). Max is freaked out, but Wesker tells him that if he hadn't been taking the samples he couldn't have helped them fight Taskmaster.

Anyway, Doom is upset because he had a dream about X-23, so Wesker and Max conspire to get her to go on a date with Doom and use an earpiece to coach Doom through the whole thing. Wesker calls X-23 and does a perfect Doom impersonation by clearing his throat and pinching his nose. A good exchange here:

X-23: "Look Victor, I’m tired of hearing from you. We just wouldn’t work out."
Wesker: "You’re wrong, Laura. Normally Doom would put you down with insults and belittle your tattoos and lack of good hair product. But Doom’s being straight with you. Doom wants another chance. Just once more chance to prove to you he’s the man you deserve!"

X-23 eventually agrees to one date. Then this happens:

Doom: "How did you do it?"
Wesker: "She’s a nineteen year-old girl, Victor. It’s all about impressing her with confidence. And lying."
Doom: "You made Doom sound needy! How is that confident?!"
Wesker: "It takes a confident man to admit his shortcomings."
Doom: "Then how come you don't admit yours?"
Wesker: "Because I don't have any."

This was a pretty fun episode. Basically as Max coaches Wesker through the gameplay changes, the two of them talk to Doom through his earpiece and instruct him on what to do during the date (which takes place at Doom's Latverian manor.) There's plenty of back and forth where Doom says something stupid to X-23, the guys chastise him for it and then he back-pedals and says something else. Also, Max and Wesker give conflicting advice, arguing over the earpiece while Doom stares blankly at X-23, waiting for clear instructions.

It ultimately ends in a full on parody of "A Whole New World" sung by Doom and X-23. When she realizes he's rotten with money, riches, jewels, slaves, and all that good stuff he has back home in Latveria, she has a change of heart and decides to be his girlfriend.

The fourth draft has an alternate intro where it's Doom's birthday and during gift-openings (Strider gives Doom ninja stars, which he promptly throws off-screen and injures a crew member with) Wesker forgot to get Doom a gift, and so teleports out to find X-23 and ask her to go on a date with Doom. He ultimately convinces her just by paying her fifty bucks. The rest of the episode was the same.

The episode ends with X-23 moving in to the (getting very cramped) house. Although the more important thing here was that this episode kinda solidified Doom and Wesker as friends. They still antagonize each other, but ya know.

After that would have been the Morrigan episode.

By popular request, for reasons that escape me. (Titties.)

So the first draft or two of Morrigan was actually a shared episode with Morrigan and Felecia. I figured that their characters would have a fun contrast - Felicia as this bubbly cutesy catgirl (she braids Max's hair, drinks milk from a bowl and Doom sprays her with a squirt bottle when she scratches the furniture are all the jokes I remember centered around her). Easy stuff. Morrigan would be flirtatious, but otherwise serious, and rather irritable with Felicia's actions.

My wife Barrie would play Morrigan, and our friend Kristen would play Felicia. I figured Max could do a double tutorial, like for the characters in Ultimate ASSIST ME!, but in the end he didn't want to cram that much gameplay into the videos. Also, Barrie got pregnant, so that put a damper on her ability to wear a leather corset. In the end we recast Kristen as Morrigan and I rewrote the script just featuring her.

The oldest copy I have from when it was still part of season 2 is marked as the 3rd draft. This was probably the last one before we moved it to season 3. Even then, it's extremely similar so I'm not going to reveal much since it's due to be the next episode out.

The beginning of the episode has Max coming home from getting some fast food. He finds Wesker and X-23 working out in the garage (Wesker has a large pile of punching bags that X-23 is working on with her claws). I guess this was written after the move, given the existence of the garage. When Max finds them, this exchange happens:

Max: "Hey, is Doom around?"
X-23: "He should be upstairs."
Max: "I don't know, I came back with lunch, and put in on the couch, and--"
Wesker: "He's probably eating it."

Max bolts back upstairs. Meanwhile, Wesker takes a turn at the punching bags. X-23 holds it for him, and the first punch sends her flying hard into the wall.

Wesker: "Oooh. I told you, chin down, lean forward, knees apart, Laura... Laura? (she's not moving) ...You'll be fine."

Other than the introduction, the jokes were largely the same as they'll be in the season 3. The ending is different, because originally Morrigan's episode would directly lead into the finale. Now, it's episode 2 of the third season and so the ending is more laid back.

A side note on Morrigan - Kristen was making the costume herself but knew the episode would be delayed for season 3, so when we shot Retro there was no Morrigan costume. I did a quick casting call to find girls for the scene with Captain Commando, and heard back from Nikki Brunetti, who had a Morrigan costume and a C Viper costume. I obviously had plans to implement Morrigan into season 3, but I also had plans for C Viper (including an actress), so I asked her to bring Morrigan to the shoot since she was more popularly requested. So if you're wondering why we recast Morrigan, that's why. We technically already had our Morrigan, just no costume yet.

Anyway, the only other episode that was written was the climactic finale with our villain. Since we decided to take those last two scripts and put them into season 3, we figured we would expand a bit on the buildup to the finale, and thus the ASSIST ME! lore.

Literally nothing ever in the series has gone through as much planning, meetings, rewrites, etc. as season 3. Throughout the series, we've always had this sort of forward momentum. Everything seemed bigger than the last thing we did. Deadpool hit a high point for us comedy-wise, so Chris had this giant zombie showdown, Phoenix had this hard-hitting plot relevant cliffhanger, and Taskmaster had the 3 on 3 fight. Then Retro was shot almost entirely out of the house, which was a pretty new experience for us since our outdoor stuff rarely consisted of more than one or two people walking down the street. Retro had a car chase, a restaurant, a video-game store, and all these locations. Also, I'm an (overly) ambitious writer who likes to make challenges for the production, so needless to say my initial go at season 3 was pretty nuts.

I really liked the idea of the Max dies short film that the guys put together for season 2. I thought short films dispersed throughout the season were the way to go to really thicken out the plot without putting too much clutter in the tutorial episodes. That way, viewers who came more for the tutorial didn't have a ton of live action stuff to skip through. They could just not watch the short films and be better for it.

In the next post, I'll talk about the early stages of what we officially called Season 3.

Retro ASSIST ME!

I remember getting the call from Max somewhere in the middle of filming season 2. Probably between the Chris and Phoenix episodes or around that time anyway. Just a bit before E3. We were in touch with Andrew from CAPCOM's marketing (I think?) department. Stand up guy. Laid back, easy to work with.

We were let in on what the deal was. We knew about Origins before it was public, and knew we'd be making general tutorials based on that. Really early on we thought "these are games from when we were kids - we need to honor/bash that time period as much as possible." That's where we got the idea to make the story about time travelling to the 90s.

Max and Simmons are both gigantic fucking BttF fans. I'm not. I'm a casual fan. I originally wanted the first episode to be a BttF parody, the second to be like a Terminator 2 parody, the third to be a 1984 parody (where Captain Commando is Big Brother) but that didn't happen. The guys were insistent on this BttF parody so I was well and truly outvoted.

The writing for this one was done differently than before. With Wesker in the mix as a main character, we had more characters to take into account. Max and Jessica had also just moved, which we worked into the S2 ending, so Max was swamped and while he made the guiding decisions he largely left writing duties to Simmons and I. I was used to it, having written most of S2 (Simmons and Max had rewritten part of the Phoenix episode) but Simmons had also rewritten Rocket Raccoon and had done the Vergil script all by himeself. He was no stranger to it.

The thing is, I think Simmons' passion for BttF made his writing in Retro shine. The jokes he wrote, be they BttF related or not, were so good in episodes 1 and 2 of Retro. I think it's the best stuff he's written for the series bar none. I especially loved Doom's dialog when they first travel back in time and he's like "Well we don't have to deal with DLC, or patches, or system updates..." all the bullshit of modern gaming. And then later on when he's sick of the 90s he's like "I can't wait to get away from all these corded controllers, and rumblepacks, and game genies..." I loved that shit. Such good writing.

So Simmons wrote parts 1 and 2, I wrote parts 3 and 4. Since I wasn't really that into the BttF parody to begin with, I tried to avoid BttF jokes as much as I could. I used the movies and dialog to structure the scenes, but tried to make the gags totally fresh.

There was one gag in particular that I wanted for episode 2 when they go to the arcade. We had to cut it because Marvel made us. The more learned reader may know that Magneto once had a comic book appearance based on a uniform worn by King Juan Carlos of Spain.

That costume got Marvel in trouble with the Spanish government. No, that's not a joke. They got a nasty letter and everything. When the guys at CAPCOM told us this story, I fucking died. It turns out that when they planned to use the costume in UMvC3 as DLC, they weren't aware of the... I'm sorry, it still makes me laugh... serious issues it caused with the Spanish Crown.

I had suggested that to get Max to face Thanos alone, Doom looks off-screen (originally the scene took place inside the arcade with a few extras, but filming restraints caused us to shoot from outside the arcade) and sees Magneto in his alt costume. The scene went something like:

Doom: "Hey... hey it's King Juan Carlos, of Spain!"
Max: "What? No dude, that's Magneto."
Doom: "You're full of shit, Max. Me and Juan are practically neighbors. HEY, JUAN!"

And then Doom would march off-screen and Max would have to face Thanos alone. You'd never even see Magento in the costume, and even though the guys at CAPCOM liked the joke Marvel wouldn't let us keep it. Marvel was also so strict about their characters appearing in the series that we decided to cut out all of them except for Doom and Thanos. When we first shot Thanos, I had to wear this nightmarish prosthetic mask in the heat of August. We spent all day filming his scenes and it was terrible. Marvel saw the footage and was like "eh, doesn't look enough like Thanos. Can you shoot it again and not show his face?"

Piss on you, I'm gorgeous.

So we did. Re-shooting Thanos threw us off schedule by a whole weekend (and when you're in crunch time after trying to make a Captain Commando costume while Max settles into his new home - that's a big setback.) We squeezed to film Captain Commando before the episodes were due. I felt really bad for Max especially having to edit all that shit together so last minute.

But again - we got it done.

That was the last time I worked for CAPCOM. Max seems to have picked up some work with them since then, but it's been lower-key stuff. I doubt if we'll ever do another official Marvel project (largely because Marvel is so tough to work with for character appearances) but also because the series is kinda dying, if I'm not mistaken.

It was work, but we had fun with it. In the end though, I prefer to work on the main episodes of the show. It's just easier when we don't have to answer any companies about what goes into it.

The Train Ride of Season 2

So, as I mentioned in my last post, I cranked out a rough draft of the Deadpool episode pretty much right after we filmed Ultimate ASSIST ME! At the time, we had a vague idea for a few episodes. We had talked to our friend Dj about playing Chris Redfield, Andrew really wanted to film a Captain America episode and had some ideas. We also toyed around with Kenny (you guys might have seen him in the latest Christmas Special as Booker T) playing Nathan Spencer, Lyndsey playing Tron Bonne. We just kinda tossed around ideas as to what our options were, and what might work for a season arc.

I suggested to Max that first things first, we select our villain. He did that pretty quickly (I can't reveal who it is, because it's not officially revealed until late in season 3). Aside from the "big bad" he picked as the villain, Max wanted a grounded merc type badguy to do most of the dirty work - a nice contrast from the hammy Wesker in season 1. He decided on Taskmaster, so we knew Deadpool and Taskmaster would be in season 2, and I think we picked Chris and Phoenix not long after that.

So we shot Deadpool around Christmas time. My first draft featured Deadpool punting Ammy off the balcony, and ultimately being buddy-buddy with Max and Doom. Max had actually really grown to like Wesker as a character, and wanted Wesker to come back as an ally. So he had me rewrite an ending where Deadpool tries to kill Max, and Wesker tricks him into blowing himself up to save the day. Most of my second draft of Deadpool is exactly what you see in the final product. There were two major changes - the dream sequence at the beginning was rewritten (I think by Max, but Simmons probably helped too). In my version, Doom was simply having an alcohol fueled nightmare, and woke up to Wesker yelling at him from the TV. The other guys had the idea to tease our main villain as using his power to influence Doom's psyche - a plot point I wish I had thought of. It worked really well.

That idea expanded into part 2 of Deadpool, which was the other real change from my script. My script had two alternate scenes for part 2 (which became part 3) of Deadpool, that were to be based off of audience votes as to whether or not Deadpool should kill Max. We were going to film both (one hilarious version had Deadpool toss an enchilada out the window and smack X-23 in the face as she casually walked by) and then Max would use whatever fit with the audience vote. However, he and Simmons had this idea to use that gag to tie the villain even further into the plot, and so ASSIST ME! Is Over (aka Deadpool part 2) was born.

This is why at cons I say nobody on the crew can really take full creative credit for the story. It's such a team effort in the end that even though I write the basic script, we've all contributed something to the humor you see.

Over the weekends where we shot Deadpool and the Christmas Special, we talked about the overall plot of season 2. The ending of the season went through many variations in the planning phase. There was a version involving Chris and Jill helping fight the badguy, while BSAA agents fought his lackeys (he's a real bad ass, so taking on four or five heroes totally works for him). We also locked in our plans to use Chris and Phoenix as the next episodes, so we figured out how they'd work into the plot. Max and the guys had given me some basic ideas for the Chris episode (namely the zombie outbreak, BSAA agents with him, etc.) and I wrote a rough draft soon after that.

With the Chris episode I tried to do something different. In fact, each episode I try to use a different type of comedy fitting to the character portrayed. Deadpool was wacky and zany (like he should be) and so I wanted Chris to be funny by accident. Like he thinks the world of himself and he's a total dudebro. Dj was down to play Chris that way, so we wound up with the broiest Chris Redfield imaginable.

I still remember writing the zombie fight scene at the end to be simple (mostly the guys holding the zombies back at the door) because Max was concerned about blocking that many actors in his living room. So I wrote a simple fight scene, but when filming day came we had all these zombies in awesome makeup (done by Vergil actor Sean and Strider actor Ben) and I think the option to do this big epic swarm in the living room was too tempting for Max to turn it down.

The Chris shoot was probably the first time I felt stressed out during the shoot. There were a lot of extras, in makeup and acting for a lot longer than I had expected they'd have to, we were all really tired by the end and just trying to get the last shots done so we could go home. A bunch of us would gather on the balcony whenever we weren't on camera because even though it was like January or February, it was so fucking hot in the living room with that many bodies, it was unbearable.

But we got it done. God knows how, we got it done in one weekend. We were all stressed and tired, but when it was done we were like "alright, let's go to fucking Denny's" and it was all good.

We got together next to shoot the Phoenix episode. That was actually the last script I wrote for season 2 chronologically. The last were already written, and I was kinda fresh out of ideas for Phoenix. I wrote it just after the sexual harassment "scandal" at Cross Assault. We were just about to film, and I was like - dude, this is perfect. Besides being educational, ASSIST ME! has an air of FGC commentary to it. Max likes to keep it light, I guess. Because he hated that I wrote Doom to quote Aris basically verbatim when talking to Jean Grey.

Good lookin' guy. Big hit with the ladies.

Of course, I wrote it so that Doom got the short end of the Phoenix-stick for it, but both Simmons and Max were concerned the audience would hate Doom for it so the whole thing had to be cut. Admittedly, my Phoenix script was probably the weakest one I'd written. The only thing they kept from my script was the ending, where Jean tries to psychically determine who the main villain is and gets owned for her trouble. But I dug that ending, so I'm glad it was kept.

Not long after this Max told me about how he was going to have to move, and at the time wasn't sure how that was going to affect production. We also got contacted by CAPCOM to do another project (which turned into RETRO ASSIST ME!), and we knew there was no way we were going to finish season 2 in time.

And that's because at first, season 2 was going to play out much like it did, but there would be 6 episodes instead of 4. After Phoenix was Taskmaster. The following episode was going to be Morrigan (a very early draft had both her and  Felecia, but Max didn't want to squeeze two tutorials into one video) and then the finale episode of the season with the villain reveal, showdown, etc.

Now, we had very little time to wrap the season. We had a completed Taskmaster script (the 6-man fight had been there since the beginning because I wanted to capture the essence of the 3 on 3 fights from the game, and was itching to give Ben some proper screen time as Strider) but only a few weeks to film it before Max had to move and we had to start work on Retro.

It should be noted that for Retro, CAPCOM gave us a way bigger heads up (we were in talks with them before E3, and at E3 pitched them the idea of the BttF parody). But because of Max and Jessica's sudden need to move, we had to scramble.

We cast my buddy Todd Graziano as Taskmaster.

Seen here in his "Old Snake" cosplay.

I envisioned Taskmaster as the polar opposite of Deadpool. Serious, military precision, cold and calculating. Todd was a US Marine, and I thought he could bring some of that military purpose to the role. We had (I think) settled on Ben voicing Tasky because he had this awesome gruff voice he could put on for it, so we got together with Todd and filmed all we could.

Todd got called out on personal business in the middle of filming, so we had to slap the Taskmaster costume on Simmons and Ben to get all the shots in the living room. We were literally on the last weekend in Max's first place when we shot the fight scene. It was hectic figuring it all out, but we got all the indoor stuff, the shot of us walking down the alley, etc. We wound up getting back together later to shoot the outdoor stuff with Deadpool, MODOK, and Taskmaster, and shot Taskmaster's garage scene at Max's new place after the move.

I suggested to Max that we basically make the Taskmaster episode the end of season 2. We worked the move into the story (that last shot in Taskmaster of Max saying goodbye to his home was legit, dudes). It hadn't been designed that way, but it worked. Wesker had returned as a hero after his questionable tenure as a roommate in season 2, the immediate threat had been beaten, and now the team had to relocate. Felt like a good season finale to us, and with Retro right around the corner, we figured we could pick it up afterwards and expand the rest of the story into a third season.

Ultimate ASSIST ME!

Around the time we were filming season 1 I had got into doing costume commissions, so when we wrapped I asked Max if in future episodes we could work together. I would make costumes, he would help fund them, and get my stuff some spotlight through his channel. Just after that he was contacted by CAPCOM about doing Ultimate ASSIST ME! for the launch of UMvC3. I think I was the first person he contacted.

We had literally a few weeks to make it happen, since CAPCOM wanted it to be released over the 6 weeks leading up to the launch. Max, Simmons, myself and maybe a few others got together and had a meeting to iron out the storyline, and thus, which characters we needed to make costumes for.

We settled on Strider Hiryu (Max's favorite from MvC2), Ghost Rider (because Max looks like Nick Cage), Wesker again (because both Nemesis and Dr. Strange would be too hard given our timeframe), Phoenix Wright and Vergil (by popular request) and Rocket Raccoon (because we really wanted to make that puppet.) With that, we wrote down the series plot, got it all approved by CAPCOM and got to work.

It was a nightmare, but it was a blast to make. We had very little time to make it happen, so I pulled some all nighters trying to get Strider, Ghost Rider and Vergil ready all in about a week. Thankfully, UltraDavid was playing Phoenix Wright and had his own costume, so my wife just styled him a quick wig (which looked great in person and fucking awful in green-screen - we didn't know it was gonna be green-screened) and she and her brother were making Rocket Raccoon. I already had Wesker, so that left me with three costumes to make.

To say I made three costumes is a gross overstatement. I drafted patterns, gathered materials, and did most of the legwork, but I couldn't have finished them without the help I got from my wife Barrie, Strider actor Ben, makeup artist Lyndsey, and sound guy Dan. All I made for Strider was his go, tabi shoes, red sashes, "metal" belt and leather harness. His entire costume was weathered by Barrie and Lyndsey, who also styled his wig. If I remember right, Barrie made his sword the morning of the shoot because the one I made was a shameful outrage that I threw away, but Max really wanted a sword for the shoot. I did some of the work on Ghost Rider but mostly gave direction. The spikes were made by Ben and installed by teamwork of Ben and Dan. Putting them on took a lot of elbow grease. Barrie made the gauntlets. The Vergil costume was a nightmare. I was up all night before the shoot finishing the coat, manually trimming it with gold painted masking tape (because I forgot to buy trim and no fabric store was open at 3 am). Ugh. SO MUCH stuff I would have done differently if we'd had more time.

Even filming was rough. The episodes were shorter than the season 1 episodes, but we had six to make over four (I think?) weekends. We filmed Strider first, and I think Ghost Rider that same weekend. The next weekend we met and filmed the Wesker episode, much of which had to be reshot. We had wrapped the episode and I was in the middle of getting cleaned up when one of the guys came upstairs and was like "Hey, pretty much all the footage was unusable. We gotta redo it."

Pictured: my (completely reasonable) reaction.

So we did. The same weekend we knocked out the remainder of Ghost Rider. I had the next weekend off while the other guys got together to make Phoenix Wright. The last weekend we filmed Vergil and Rocket Raccoon. My brother-in-law Bob helped me with puppeteering, and we had finally wrapped the whole project.

During tone of the weekends we were together for filming I asked Max what his plans were for season 2. Since I had been more involved with the show creatively since the Jill episode, I knew he wanted to do a Deadpool episode (and I wanted to make the costume and portray him, so bam). Max settled right then and there on Deadpool as episode 1 of season 2. I asked him if I could write it (I had written the rough draft of Rocket Raccoon, but little of what I wrote remained in the final rewrite by Simmons). Max gave me the go ahead to write Deadpool, and I was stoked.

I think I wrote the first draft less than a week later.

Season 1 - or - The Easy Days

If my dates are correct, the Wesker episode trailer was out only a few days after we filmed, and the first part (of three) hit a week later. Ah, the good old days, when the show was easy…

I still remember the comments on the Wesker trailer (since deleted from YouTube - my guess is because of the Aliens music that was used), and the fan reaction to my Wesker was pretty harsh. Nerd rage about my "dumbo ears" and how I looked like "Alfalfa" (I don't see it) was pretty much all there was. Based on the Doom episode, featuring a chubby, dumb-as-rocks Doctor Doom, I wasn't sure what people expected. On the other hand, I grew up with my appearance and learned to roll with the punches a long time ago. I laughed it off like an adult.

An adult orangutan. What did you think I meant?

When the episode came out, there were still haters, but I think people then remembered that ASSIST ME! was a parody and the characters were supposed to be twisted. My portrayal of Wesker as an alcoholic with fatherhood issues and, yet, a God-complex was pretty well received. There were of course, still haters, but that's the internet for you.

Remember that I didn't even fathom the popularity or the heated nature of the FGC yet. It was all new to me. Wesker's episode ran three videos long, and I think I had won most people over by the third.

The rest of season 1 came and went quickly. I wasn't involved at all with the X-23 episode, but received an honorable mention (she's at Max's house hunting for Wesker, after all). Max, Simmons and I had talked with Spif about appearing as Jill, and we all arranged a time to do it. As Max wrote the script, he again asked me to look it over for Resident Evil lore fine-tuning. As I recall, his first draft featured Wesker returning to have Jill trained - but this Wesker was a clone (the original had been killed by Doom in the finale of the Wesker episode). I was outright against a Wesker clone. After Wesker was killed in Resident Evil 5, butthurt fans everywhere who couldn't accept it were like "durr, maybe there will be a clone!"

I hated those days. In my mind, Wesker cheats death all the time. When he dies for real - it's for real. No clones. No comic book bullshit. If you wanna bring him back, just bring him back. But don't make him a clone. Max was cool with this request, and Wesker came back with literally no explanation. Just as it should be.

It took another full weekend to film the Jill episode. On my first weekend (filming Wesker) the crew behind the camera had only included Andrew and Dan (Andrew operated the camera, adjusted lights) and Dan (operated sound, wiped sweat off my face). Max's lovely wife Jessica stepped in now and then to feed us and fan us with a balancing board. When we shot Jill, we had everybody from before plus Lyndsey (makeup) and Matt Welzenbach (not Simmons), the script supervisor. The whole thing felt so much different with just a couple more bodies crammed into the room.

We also had visits from several friends that weekend. No idea why. It was busy.

Notably, the pants of my Wesker costume split from the bottom of the fly up to the middle of the butt because one of the lights nearly fell on Welzenbach's crotch and I lunged to catch it just in time. Welzenbach's crotch was saved, my pants were ripped (allowing for a blessed breeze). It was a win-win.

As I recall, we finished filming without any other real difficulties. UMvC3 was on the horizon and the show was picking up popularity as people figured out what it was and Max found his groove for the balance between story and gameplay. He released the Jill episode just in time to be the season 1 finale.

The next time we got together, we would be working for CAPCOM...